¿Tienes tu pene? – Do You Have Your Penis?

No, No!  This is not an X rated Blog!  This is an honest Blog about the rough and rocky road that one must take in order to learn another´s language.

When I asked Luis this question he whirled around and looked at me with a combination of horror and true confusion.  I could see his mouth in mid-answer ….. “ye….s”  but he didn´t quite give it to me, his face was not, shall we say…it was not in concordance.  This of course had me confused and I insisted….”Siempre te olivdas tu pene y cuando llegamos al carro tu me preguntas si yo lo tengo.”  (You are always forgetting your penis and when we get to the car you ask me if I have it.) 

By now the horror on his face is complete, the confusion has just left altogether.

Let me allow you into the deep labyrinths of my psych for just a moment.  Don’t worry, it’s just for a quick second, just to help you understand what was happening with me as I demanded a serious answer to my question.  You see, it´s exhausting being married to my Spanish teacher.  He lets nothing pass, I always (it seems)  have one little thing wrong, be it an ‘a’ instead of an ‘o’, or a ‘this tense’ over a ‘that tense’ or my pronunciation is messed up and I have to repeat until I sound more “native” at which point I can’t even remember what I was trying to say….. and to be honest I think this one is about not wanting to hear what I was trying to say……and THIS is what had the death hold on me when I was challenging him in so many words with, “it’s 8 PM do you know where your penis is?”

I had decided that I was going to insist this time.  I was not going to let him get me off track with all of his infuriating corrections. I was saying everything right, doggone it and I was going to insist that he understand me.  Now where I ever came up with the idea that this technique would work as well with a language as it did when I successfully returned that pair of pants I bought too small the day before they went on sale and could no longer be returned….is somewhere deep in that psych you guys are now privileged to.

Anyway, he breaks away from Spanish….I hate when he does that with me …. it’s just another way to castigate me (careful, careful) for my Spanish.  He says;  “You have to tell me what you just said again, but please honey, you look so beautiful tonight, I love your eyes…blah, blah, blah….tell me in English.” 

Yeah I know, the sweet talk gets me every time.  Geese, give me a break, at 50 whatever, my days are numbered for these types of adorations….I buckle.  I say;  “I saaaiiiidddddd……DO……YOU……..HAVE……..YOUR……..COOOOMMB?

He loses it.  He starts laughing and can not get control.  I have already lost mine as well and so this is not a pretty moment for us.  I hear the neighborhood go suddenly silent….I know that without a doubt that Mrs. Hill down the street is completely motionless, just straining so as not to miss a single sylable that’s to follow.

“Honey, amor, bebé es PEINE, no PENE.  Peine es comb, pene es penis.

Grrrrr  %&$#”                                                                                  Aquí estamos,   Joan


Filed under Learning Attitude, Of Some Things Human, The Petri Dish

7 responses to “¿Tienes tu pene? – Do You Have Your Penis?

  1. I’ve always wondered about the word for comb. I have yet to use it because it’s too much like the other. Don’t they sound almost EXACTLY the same?? 🙂

    • Well, let me just say it this way… I think that I am about 3 years away, with very intense pronunciation practice, before I am ready take on that word again! Can’t hear the difference… or at least can’t make the fine distinction with my tongue. I suppose it’s as close as “Couch” and “Coach” for the ‘other side’. ¡jaja! -Joan

  2. Ross

    Thanks for the warning on this word. I’ll keep to a 3-syllable pronunciation, even if it is incorrect.
    pay eee nay.

  3. ^ Me too. Muchas gracias.

  4. HShim

    The difficulty is because English does not have a sound like “e” in Spanish. We have two different close sounds: the “long a” sound, which sounds like Spanish “ei” or “ey”, and the “short e” (eh) sound.

    Pene is roughly pronounced like “peh-neh” (The /e/ is short)
    Peine is roughly pronounce like “pay-neh” (the /ey/ is long and more like English long a)

    Another example: le/ley.
    le is short, almost like “leh”
    Ley is long, just like English “lay”

  5. Laura

    This has plagued me for years! I refuse to utter either word for fear of embarrassment. I honestly can’t hear or produce the difference with my mouth. Is there another word for comb?

  6. dbuchholz2

    I’ve just given up on ever saying comb. I’ll just call it a darn cepillo like I don’t know there is a difference.

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